herod

i learned pretty early on how to get what i wanted. i would tweak things to benefit me. to be what i wanted them to be.

i wasn’t told “no”. i was told - anything you want is yours. so i took what i wanted. i took who i wanted.

i was pretty high up on the ladder. some people say my father helped me up a few rungs, but... i deserved it. i was ‘great’.

and once i was there, nothing was going to change that. no thing and no one!

opportunity knocks. they say. me? i say hunt opportunity down and bleed it dry.

i make it happen. if you stand in my way, you won’t be standing long.

and people didn’t normally stand in my way. so imagine my surprise when i hear the buzz about someone who will be taking my place.

me! i’m... king here. people don’t just replace someone like me.

and then i find this person isn’t even grown yet. he hasn’t spent his life grooming for this or defending it. killing for it.

he’s.. just a baby.

people are going nuts over some ancient... myth! some mumbo jumbo about this infant who they think is going to take my place. even surpass me.

i have done anything and everything to maintain my title, my power, and i am not about to let some sniveling, supposedly “special”, baby with a few ‘fans’ change things. do they have any idea what i can do? what i have done?

i am not going to take this sitting down. sitting is for the weak. sitting is for people who cannot stand on their own. that chair is where people lose themselves and give up every ounce of who they’ve made themselves to be and replace it with fear and dependence and a sad state of worthlessness. they don’t even belong to themselves anymore.

i will not sit down. i belong to me. i will not be thwarted. i will not be replaced. i make it happen!

i am great! i am all i need. i am second to no one.
i am herod.

this piece was performed at my church on 12/20 as the last in a three part series called i am second christmas.
my friend jim nailed this piece. jon asked me later how i thought jim did and i told him he did this exactly the way i had imagined it. exactly. very very well done, my friend.

joseph

there was this girl. isn’t that how the story of every man’s downfall begins? except this.. this wasn’t your ordinary girl. she would say she was, but. no.. not ordinary. not her. she was a dream. she was brought up right, loved the Lord, came from a good family... and her heart. phew! man!

and we were getting married. i couldn’t believe she said “yes”! i was beside myself. smiling like an idiot all the time. the right girl can do that to you. and i found her.

so... you can probably imagine how hard i fell when i found out she was pregnant. and i knew.. we were waiting, you know? so i knew it wasn’t mine.

i felt like i was kicked in the gut. you hear people talk about being devastated but this was.. i was spiraling. this was my downfall. what would our friends say? Our parents? what about our reputation?

i was gonna break it off. wouldn’t you?

but this un-ordinary girl, was carrying an extraordinary child. this was.. it’s hard to grasp even now.. this was God’s son. and He wanted me to stay. and be the child’s father.

a son. every guy wants a son. but my son. i wanted my son. this was not mine! this was not what i wanted.

i was gonna be a father. but not his father? what am i being asked to do? play along with what? what was this?

i thought i was going to have this awesome wife and i was going to build us a house and we’d have our own kids and we’d be living the life! but it turned into this whole thing that’s... not about me. and i can’t do anything about it.

but i can do something about it.

God wants me to stay. i can stay. and He wants me to be a father to His son. i can be the boy’s father.

the perfect life with a wife and kids and a house - it wouldn’t work anyway if God’s not in it. all of that takes backseat to Him and His son. our son. i can put what He wants me to do at the top. that goes first. that’s what i can do about it.

i choose His way.

my name is joseph
and i am second

this piece was performed at my church on 12/13 as the second in a three part series called i am second christmas.
this is the second time i've gotten to write a script for dan and have been just delighted to watch him bring them both to life. very nicely done.

mary

i’m just a normal girl. from a normal town. my parents have taught me well - to love God. to be good.

and i’ve always dreamed about the day i would get married. doesn’t every girl? i’ve always imagined my wedding day. and what it would be like to have a family of my own.

i didn’t.. i just didn’t imagine it.. like this.

i wanted to wait until i was actually married before i got pregnant. i wanted.. the fairytale. i guess i just expected everything to be ‘clean’ and ‘perfect’.

i don’t think people will look at this and think clean and perfect. they will think ‘tragic’ and ‘family embarrassment’ and ‘hide her away’.

even i think that. sometimes. that it might be easier to hide this. i mean, who would believe it?

“how can this be?” that’s what i said when i found out. how can this be?

who would believe i had never been with a man? but more than that. more than the physical. how can this be that i would find such favor?

i’m human! i think selfish thoughts! i sin! how can it be, then, that a sinful girl would bear a baby boy who would never know sin? who would rescue me from my own? i would give life to my own life-giver?

even now, it is hard to wrap my head around the idea. how do i care for this baby who is greater than myself? how do i dry the eyes that see so far into mine?

i am unworthy. my fears almost drown me. my inexperience frightens me.

but God sees me. and he is with me. and nothing - nothing! - is impossible with him.

may it be then. let it all happen. i will not hide!

because this isn’t about me. it’s so much bigger than me. it’s about Jesus, my son my savior and my God.

it’s about a love so big it can turn a normal girl’s life into something people will not consider tragic, but blessed. his overcoming, rescuing, nothing-is-impossible-for-him love. that’s what it’s about. not me.

my name is mary
and i am second

this piece was performed at my church on 12/6 as the first in a three part series called i am second christmas.
an amazingly talented young lady took on this role and i was thrilled to get to watch these words come to life under her skill and heart. loved it! amy - you did a fabulous job. i'm so proud of you.

peter

this piece was a joint effort and i cannot accept full credit for it. thanks for all the hands that contributed to this one.

my name means rock.

And for a good long while I actually thought I earned it!

I knew why I got the name.  I grew up a fisherman, which will make a man out of anybody.  It was nothing for me to take the lead, to speak my mind, to be bold.  Sure, I sometimes stuck my foot in my mouth. I’ll even admit that there were times I didn’t have a clue what was going on!  But my motto stayed the same; speak first, act first, be first.

There was one BIG time I got it right, though.  And that time, Jesus named me Rock. Clearly, this was an affirmation of my leadership capabilities, wasn't it?

The ironic thing is that shortly after I had "earned" my name, I crumbled like a boat on the rocks.

Full of pride and in front of everybody I declared that I would follow Jesus anywhere He went: to the ends of the earth…I even said to death.  I would be His right hand man, come what may.  Right away He told me to check myself...but I didn't listen.  I was arrogant and full of holy zeal.

You know how it works whenever we make promises too big for our britches.

It seemed like just the next day we were completely surrounded by Roman soldiers.  Without thinking I took out my sword and tried to lead the fight; I was THE ROCK, I would hold the fort till Jesus had a chance to get away, dying for him if I had to.  I didn’t notice that Jesus showed absolutely no interest in defending himself.  Instead of following His lead, I was trying to lead Him!

I was so disgusted to see how easily he gave in, like some weak fish caught in one of my nets?  I couldn't follow Him to this kind of death!  I wanted glory, not jail-time!!  So I ran.  Suddenly I had no interest in being associated with Jesus whatsoever.

But I didn’t just run and hide, like some of the others.  The change that came over me was more than that…it was like I became a different person.  I actually went out of my way to convince people I had nothing to do with Him.  Point blank people asked me and I said, "No!  I'm not one of His!"

You know, in the end there is no real difference between what I did and what…Judas did.

Have you ever crushed somebody like I crushed Jesus?

Have you ever lied to save your skin....?

Have you ever been so disgusted with yourself that you couldn't look someone in the eye?

Yes!  I had to say Yes!  Me.  The Rock!   It was over!  It should have been over; my part in the story should have ended there.

But it didn't!  A couple of days later, all of a sudden there was Jesus.  JESUS!!  He spread his hands to show us the marks of death, then he flashed His smile to show us the mark of LIFE!  He was alive!  No, more than that!  He had beat back death!  We all rushed Him… but it seemed more like He was reaching out to us.  He looked me in the eye and took hold of my hand, and said to me, “Rock”.  He used THAT name.  After all I had done, He still used that name.  And with one swift move he pulled me out of my pit of shame. 

That was the moment that I really surrendered to Him.  Right there, in my heart I declared Him Lord and Leader, Captain and King.

Rock.  Hmm.  You know I like hearing my name called, because it reminds me that He is my rock and I can stand firm only when I stand on Him.

i am peter

and i am second

this piece was performed at my church 5/10.
i was very impressed with this performance and the joint effort that went into making this script and drama a success.

zaccheaeus

i had a lot of money. i mean A LOT of money. there wasn’t anything i didn’t have or couldn’t get.

and i was secure. i had a government job. i was chief tax collector.

admittedly, i was corrupt. but what did i need integrity for when i had all this money? i could BUY integrity and still be rich.

i had it all. i wanted for nothing.

actually, that wasn’t true. there was one thing i wanted.

you see, there was all this talk about Jesus coming into town. he couldn’t have been more my opposite. as far as i knew he owned nothing, claimed no property, the very government i worked for did not like him... so why was i so interested when there was obviously no material gain by knowing him?

maybe that was just it. maybe i could tell that he did have something. and it was something i didn’t have and i couldn’t buy. there was something in the way he carried himself that spoke of... authority.

some people even claimed that this Jesus was Messiah himself. how else could he perform miracles and act the way he did – out of love and kindness? something in that gentle yet authoritative way of his made me wonder if what they said was true.

i had to get a look. i wanted to see for myself who Jesus was.

but when he came nearer it was obvious i wasn’t going to be able to see him. there were way too many people crowding around him, blocking my view. i’m used to that – i’m not a tall man. but i was a shrewd man and i was used to finding other ways to get what i wanted.

so i ran ahead in the direction he was walking, found a tree with low branches that i could get onto, and climbed. i was perched and ready for him by the time he arrived. i had the perfect spot to see him!

i just sat and watched him approach. closer.. closer.. and i got a really good look.

and then he looked up at me, and with that gentle authority of his he called me down out of the tree and join him – bring him into my home.

moment of truth right there. he laid it out - i could stay on that branch, watching... watching everything and everyone go by and amass my riches and collect my dues. and say i wanted for nothing but really... i had no integrity. behind all that money was a life that was empty and corrupt.

or i could climb down, take this man into my house, into my life, and get to know Jesus. i want whatever this man of authority – of God’s authority – could give me. yes, God’s authority! for this was the man Jesus they talked about. this was God who created and owned everything! my fortune was puny compared to all the heavens and the earth! and life! and truth! and integrity.

all of that flashed through my mind in an instant – and that was all i needed! i climbed down and welcomed him with complete joy!

and he accepted me. right where i was. right in that moment.

the joy in me overflowed. it was pouring out of me and i had to do something. i cried out – take it all! take it all!

and i meant it. the money that i thought was everything – i immediately gave half to the poor and the rest i used to pay back to anyone i had cheated

and when i righted the wrongs i had done – paid back everything i owed, reversed my corrupt ways, my word was finally my word. i was a man of integrity. i was a man of God.

i stood very tall that day.

my name is zaccheaeus
and i am second

this piece was performed at my church 5/3.
brucie was zaccheaeus. i was awed by his performance. well done. very - very!.. well done.

a samaritan woman

i am a samaritan woman. do you have any idea what that means?

being from samaria is bad, at least according to jewish people. they won’t deal with us. period. we are a hated race.

but being a woman is even worse. our own men won’t even talk to us, at least not publicly.

so i’m a woman – an outcast to men, and a samaritan – an outcast to jews. you’d think i couldn’t sink any lower. but i did. i became an outcast to women, too.

i just wanted to be loved. i wanted to matter. i had no station in life, that was clear very early on, and so what else could i have? i just.. i wanted to be loved.

i went through five husbands trying to find love. and i was with yet another man.

the women in town talked about me, i knew that. and i hated it. but this thirst inside of me was bigger than they were. i let it drag me away from everyone except for whatever man i thought would love me.

i was so lonely but being out in public was.. hard. i didn’t like imagining what was being said about me. i was empty.

until i met him.

i would wait till noon to go out for water, knowing full well everyone had already come and gone, just so i wouldn’t have to see anyone else. and so they wouldn’t see me. wouldn’t talk about me. i wouldn’t have to be reminded that i was a disgrace.

i didn’t expect to find anyone there so you can imagine my surprise when i saw a man – a jewish man – sitting at a samaritan well. and he spoke to me.

he wanted me to get him some water. who was this man?

i even pointed out to him – you know, i’m a samaritan woman. it didn’t faze him. instead he tells me about some living water. water that he can provide even though it is clear he has no jug with which to draw anything.

he says the water he is offering is the kind that will quench once for all. i would never be thirsty again.

and then he did the most surprising thing. he told me everything i had ever done. he knew my life, he knew my failures, my junk. he knew everything! and he still offered me this “living water.”

do you have any idea how good that sounded? he wasn’t talking about water anymore. he was talking about that.. that thirst i had carried around with me my whole life. the one i called ‘needing to be loved’. he was offering to satisfy that. but this was love with a capital “L”. he was offering God’s love. the kind that lasts forever.

i wanted it!

i had heard that a man who was God would come.. and that he would know all things.. this had to be him. he told me everything i had ever done! this was HIM!! this man was God. and He wanted to love me.

oh, yes, i definitely wanted that.

i felt like i had just drank the clearest, purest, most quenching water. i was.. i wasn’t thirsty. i wasn’t desperate to be loved. i was.. he loved me.

every bad decision, every ruined relationship i have ever had, i left behind me and i ran into town and told everyone – i told those men, those people, that would have nothing to do with me. i could hardly get the words out fast enough. but i had to tell anyone who would listen!!

they must have seen it all over me – i must have looked as changed as i felt because not only did they listen to me, but they believed! they listened to me! they believed me!

i had been tormented with a thirst i couldn’t understand and i couldn’t satisfy. but this man gave me what no other man could: love. real love. eternally quenching love.

God’s love.

and it fills me to overflowing. and instead of hiding away and avoiding people like i had for so long, i run to them and tell them they can have it, too. i have set everything i used to be aside and have put him first, to share with others about him, to know him, to love him.

i am no longer an outcast. i am no longer a disgrace. i am loved. i am accepted. my thirst is satisfied.

i am a samaritan woman
and i am second

this piece was performed at my church 4/26.
my friend davette played a samaritan woman.
i cried.
i watched all three services.
and cried all three services.
she... moved me!

nicodemus

i was a pretty top dog. i knew the law backward and forward. i knew it inside and out. and when there were decisions to be made about the law – i was one of the guys they called on. and it was this position that led me to a discovery that changed me.

i was doing what i always do – study the law. read the law. teach the law. observe and promote and exercise the law. and then i find out about this guy named Jesus who was causing all kinds of ‘frustration’, shall we say, amongst my peers. he was said to be teaching the law. but he wasn’t teaching “our law”.

he was teaching - it was so radical - he was teaching that things were more important than the rules. his law was about love. in fact, it really wasn’t law. it was more like... how do i describe it? it was just.. love. “love God”, “love your neighbor”, “love the unlovable”.

and.. it kinda made sense. i mean, i knew what God had said. backward and forward, remember? and it resonated with me. it was starting to sound more like what i had always known to be God’s word. and i would know. i read it constantly. i knew it thoroughly.

i started to wonder why – if this man Jesus was on target with the law.. with God’s word – then why were we getting so upset about it? oh sure, he put some of my peers in their place and that’s always a bit painful to bear. especially when it happens in public. but let’s face it – they challenged him without knowing that he knew his stuff.

i thought, “he must be a teacher. he has to be, to know the law enough to throw those guys for a loop.” people don’t just walk away from a conversation with a pharisee. they crawl. in humility. but not Jesus.

he knew his stuff. but he didn’t act like we did. he didn’t try to act superior. well it was obvious he had some kind of authority, but he didn’t ACT like it. like in a hold-it-over-your-head kind of way. he just wore it. there was something about that...

so i went to talk with him. i admit i was a little trepidatious in meeting with him. so i waited until dark. and he totally called me out on it! he said something about the light coming in to the world and the world loving the darkness instead. i know he meant that for me. so i would know he knew i was hiding the fact that i had come to him. but he also meant that he’s the light. and instead of wanting the light, we just kept choosing darkness.

he also said if i wanted to see the kingdom of God that i had to be born “from above”. that one threw me. but after i left i really started thinking about that. he said it wasn’t about having your mother give birth to you all over again. that this second birth wasn’t even physical. it was “from above”. it was from.. well, it was from him.

he’s from above.

it took me a while but i got it.

this Jesus was offering me something different than the law. better than law. it was radical and frowned upon. it made people in my circle squirm. but it was real. and i could have it. he didn’t put any conditions on it. he laid it out there and if i wanted it, i could take it.

i would like to say that i immediately changed my course, but i didn’t. i was still hiding under the cover of darkness, in a sense. but when other rulers tried to make Jesus out to be a deceiver, i had to say something. they were taking this anger too far. i asked them if our law prevents us from finding out what an accused man is about before we convict him.

their excuse? that i didn’t know the law well enough. they told me, “go look it up. he’s not who he says is and can’t be. it doesn’t match.”

but it did. were they blinded by their own anger? were they that far gone that they couldn’t see it? i could see their accusations were false. i could see they loved the darkness. and i wanted out of it. i wanted this “being born from above” thing. i wanted what Jesus offered.

and so i took it. i exchanged law for love.

when he died.. when they killed him, i knew i had to honor him. he was my number one priority now. and i didn’t care who saw me this time. i took spices and helped prepare his body for burial. but it wasn’t just any gift – it was a gift fit for a king. because he was a king! he is The King. i brought as many people as i needed to carry the spices and if i was noticed i didn’t care – this was for my king.

i knew i’d pay a steep price for what i was doing, but that life to me, that position – being the top dog, wasn’t worth the price of overlooking what Jesus taught. i didn’t care about furthering my career anymore. i cared about making the name of Jesus famous. so that others can hear and know how to get out of the darkness. the law doesn’t change a person. love does. knowing Jesus does. being born from above. i get that now. it just means you don’t use the law and your rules to get to God, you trust God directly, you set aside the darkness, and you choose light. you are born into the light.

when that happens, the other stuff fades away. and Jesus becomes first in your life.

my name is nicodemus
and i am second

this piece was performed at my church last sunday.
my friend jim played nicodemus and did an outstanding job! i was thrilled to see these words come alive through this drama and felt it an honor to get to participate in it, even if it was behind the scenes.

mother's fruit

from heaven
   i sat stationary
in my velvet

billowy haven
   my spared sanctuary
of winds songs and a violin

and in this room
   challenged by the red
magic marker of fear

i feel at home
   and i stare
at the mother as if enchanted by a fire

i notice a mockingbird making brutal
   attacks on the mere essence
of man microwaves and cash

the final
   shout threatens its presence
with a blast

from a shooting piece of mahogany
   and steel but incomplete
it lacks a whisper

and from heaven i view the destiny
   of these young they cheat
they kill they remain all but wishful

because it states in mothers' resume
   it was air and earth and fire and water
but we choked and buried and burned and drowned

they won't resume
   to welter
in their weeping

they were born a hunter
   it's the kill - the chase
makes them high wounded and drunk

i pause like a computer
   forgetting in it's haste
to think

a
   mazing the pain
they indulge like a cancer

and it will spread through the
   walls and veins of the lame
portholes they call a mansion

noise

a big blue dictionary laying on the shelf
between two yellow candles in wooden holders
is open to the page with the word
     noise

i used it to describe the house
i used it to describe the room
i used it to describe the shelving
it was the books underneath screaming at me

open us, they yelled, open us and see
then throw us back
but don't forget it, child

the pages were laughing at me
calling me nothing
they echoed words from long ago
noises from other people filled me

215 wawona

the outside is painted a new color
   a whole wall was knocked out for more room
   a new mutt has claimed it as his territory
a den was added where the porch used to be out back

mr bubble no longer resides on the corner of the tub
   popeye's plastic boat has long since retired
   no more child's size 10 sweatshirts in the hall cupboard
the pictures contain yellowed faces of once loved beauty

they walk with a careful toe and
   hold themselves steady with a hand on the wall

have things changed?
   so much so they're exactly the same
   not a trace of time in the house with the
smell of bacon in the mornings

HAIKungfU

in an attempt to find some lyrics i had written and long since lost, i came across some of my college literature work. one of which was a short page of haiku. they are not related to one another so don't look for a connection that isn't there. i'm not that talented.

crisp introduction
and without further ado
nibble my haiku

---

dusty saddlebags
wrinkled men worship relics
tick tock time grew short

girl cried but took him
sampling life in trial-size bites
trasting existence

scuffed sunday school shoes
mossy neck tie gasp too tight
don't sit on the couch

dingy tub water
steam from mealtime chokes your nose
horses parked in back

decomposition
from birth the body ages
life and death and bugs


need i mention again i was in college?

the last time

this is a song i wrote some time back and i've hesitated to put it out there but.. well.. either i've matured to the point of saying "i am okay with it" or i've digressed to "i don't care what you think of it". haha. just kidding. maybe.

truth is, in my plight to become transparent i am putting it all out there. bear in mind i was not in the greatest place when i wrote this. i was hurting. i was confused. i was your typical messed up person who knew she was ready to walk away from the life she was leading and get it right with God, but hadn't quite taken that step yet. it was hard to loosen myself from the world's grip. turned out i didn't have to. i just had to call out to God and He pulled me out of it Himself. isn't He fabulous?

i wish i knew guitar well enough to write the music to it. the tune's in my head, i just don't know how to get it out. [stop delaying trace.. lyrics. now. do it...]


the last time

opposed to open myself up to closeness again
i hate to be the one to make you think
every word you say makes perfect nonsense to me
i'm laughing over the fool i am and

this is the last time i'll let you get away with me
this is the last time i'll cry myself awake
this is the last time i'm begging you to stay with me
this is the last time
cause tomorrow i'm over you

all the humble reasons why we won't do this again
living on the cusp of set in stone
pastel images turn graven in the mirror
alive never told me that and

this is the last time i'll let you get away with me
this is the last time i'll cry myself awake
this is the last time i'm begging you to stay with me
this is the last time
cause tomorrow i'm over you

cast your punishment out loud
don't tell me what to do
time is draining
i'm insane
and finally over you

this is the last time i'll let you get away with me
this is the last time i'll cry myself awake
this is the last time i'm begging you to stay with me
this is the last time i'll let you get away with me
this is the last time i'll cry myself awake
this is the last time i'm begging you to stay with me
this is the last time
cause tomorrow i'm over you
tomorrow i'm over you
tomorrow i'm over you

[hit send, now. do it. it's okay. they won't criticize. i hope]

esther's song

          i am an orphan. i am a jew
          a girl of no consequence
          my life ongoing, but yet to begin

          silence
my heritage
my opinion
my role
          silence

          expectancy rises
          obedience calls from every side
          in whom do i trust?

          drowning
in sisters
perfume
in colors and song
          drowning
in effort
in purpose
in where i belong
          drowning
the process
the painting
the decadence
the throne

          it takes me over
          beauty becomes me
          look at me and i will gain your favor

myrrh
spicy
earthy

          it flows over me
          i am cradled in it
          it is my companion

rich
fragrant
poured over
anointed
a priestly consecration

          and the king summons
          what is a wife of only one man
          to a man with many wives?

a treasure
a jewel
a bride to be

          i’m adorned and chosen
          but they didn’t choose me
          only the girl they think they see

palace
family
throne
besieged
my husband
my people

          for such a time as this
          a position to barter
          beauty by design?
          i’m set in a song that isn’t mine

but i sing it
          i open my mouth and my heart and i sing it
i am a stroke of the brush
          it paints of truth and hope and love
it’s integrity
          and what is right and what is meant to be
          it is a story of a good and perfect will

          a song of the first
i will sing it
          my name is esther
          and i am second